Just Don’t Flaunt It.
Gay-affirming therapy in Florida
Eduardo Florez, LMHC #MH23066 · September 30, 2026 · 9-min read
Part of The ShieldMee Guide: Identity & LGBTQ+ →
“Man up.”
“Don’t act so gay.”
“Which one of you is the woman?”
“It’s fine. Just don’t flaunt it.”
“At least you’re not one of those feminine ones.”
If you’re a gay man, you’ve probably heard some version of these.
Some came from strangers.
Some came from friends.
Some came from your own father.
And some of them you still hear, even when nobody’s talking.
Coming out wasn’t the finish line
A lot of people think coming out is the hard part.
You say it.
People react.
Then life gets easier.
Sometimes it does.
But coming out doesn’t erase everything that came before it.
Research on gay and bisexual men has found that the period after coming out can still carry significant mental-health stress, particularly when the person is also dealing with stigma, rejection, concealment, or pressure to fit in.
You’re out now.
But you’re still carrying everything you learned while you were hiding.
You may know you’re allowed to be yourself.
Your body may not believe it yet.
The best little boy in the world
Some gay men learn something early:
If you can’t be what they expect, be perfect instead.
Best grades.
Best job.
Best body.
Best at everything.
The phrase comes from a 1973 memoir, The Best Little Boy in the World. Years later, researchers tested the idea and found that the longer gay men stayed hidden, the more their self-worth depended on achievement and outside approval.
It can work for a while.
You succeed.
People admire you.
You become the person everyone can point to and say, He’s doing fine.
But underneath, there can be a quiet rule running the show:
You’re only okay as long as you’re impressive.
That rule is exhausting.
And coming out doesn’t automatically turn it off.
Pressure from inside the community
Sometimes the pressure doesn’t come from straight people.
It comes from other gay men.
Looks.
Status.
Money.
Body.
The apps.
Who gets attention.
Who doesn’t.
Researchers have proposed that gay men can experience stress from competition and status pressure within their own community. The evidence is not simple or consistent, and these experiences are not universal.
But if you’ve felt it, you know what it feels like.
You can finally stop hiding one part of yourself and still feel like you have to perform another version of yourself to belong.
When stress, substances, and sex get tangled
For some men, the stress doesn’t stay in one place.
It shows up as low mood.
As drinking or partying that gets out of hand.
As sex that starts feeling more like escape than connection.
Sometimes these things feed each other.
That’s why some therapy for gay and bisexual men has focused on the whole pattern instead of treating each problem separately.
In the ESTEEM clinical trial, a treatment designed around minority stress and related concerns reduced depressive symptoms and alcohol use among young gay and bisexual men.
You don’t have to separate your life into neat boxes before you walk in.
Still trying to be perfect?
Use your insurance · see your cost before you book
Being gay in your family
For some men, family is where it gets hardest.
Especially when faith, tradition, or strict ideas about what a man is supposed to be run deep.
Maybe your family knows, and nobody talks about it.
Maybe your mother accepts it and your father doesn’t.
Maybe you bring your partner home and he gets introduced as your “amigo.”
Maybe you’ve never told them at all.
There’s no single right way to handle family.
Coming out is not a test of courage.
Staying private is not a failure.
The question is what is right for you, given your relationships, your safety, and what you want your life to look like.
You shouldn’t have to figure that out alone.
What therapy looks like with me
I’m comfortable talking about what’s actually going on in your life.
Sex.
Relationships.
Drinking and drugs.
HIV and sexual health.
Body image.
The apps.
Your father.
Whatever is hard to say out loud.
No judgment.
No awkward pauses.
I work with individual men and with couples of two men, including partners working out what their relationship looks like, whatever structure that takes.
And I won’t treat your sexuality as the problem.
We’ll look at what you learned, what you’re still carrying, and what you want now.
I affirm LGBTQ+ people. I do not practice conversion therapy.
You might recognize yourself here
- You’re out, but you still don’t feel free.
- You feel like you have to be impressive to be worth anything.
- You compare yourself constantly, to other men, online and off.
- Drinking, partying, or sex has become a way to escape.
- Your family knows, but acts like they don’t.
- You still hear “man up” in your head.
- You want a relationship, but closeness feels harder than it should.
- You know who you are, but still feel like you have something to prove.
Who this work is for
- Gay men, whatever your age or stage of life
- Couples of two men, dating, married, or figuring it out
- Men coming out later in life, including after a marriage to a woman
- Men who aren’t out yet and are deciding what to do
- Families who want to understand and support a gay family member
Who this isn’t for
- I work with adults. If you are under 18, this page is not describing services for you.
- If you’re in immediate crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988, or go to the nearest emergency department.
- If there’s violence or fear in your relationship, start with individual support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
- This isn’t the right place if you want someone to change your sexual orientation.
- Sessions are only available to people who are physically located in Florida at the time of the session.
Start with what’s true for you
You don’t have to be impressive here.
You don’t have to have it together.
You don’t have to prove anything.
You can start with one sentence:
“I came out. Why don’t I feel free?”
We can start there.
In-network with Aetna, Cigna, Florida Blue, UnitedHealthcare and more through Headway · 53-minute sessions
Telehealth anywhere in Florida · English / Español
In crisis? Call or text 988.
Frequently asked questions
Can we really talk about sex and drugs here?
Yes. Those are health topics, not moral ones. You won’t be judged, and what you share is treated as confidential within the limits of professional confidentiality.
I’m not out to my family. Can therapy help me decide what to do?
Yes. We can look at your options, your safety, your relationships, and what you want. There’s no deadline.
Can my partner come too?
It depends on your insurance plan. Most clients pay a copay or coinsurance. You’ll see your estimated cost on my Headway page before you book.
Do you offer therapy in Spanish?
Yes. Sessions can be in Spanish, English, or both.
How much does therapy cost?
It depends on your insurance plan. Most clients pay a copay or coinsurance. You’ll see your estimated cost on my Headway page before you book.
Do you take insurance?
Yes. I’m in-network with Aetna, Cigna, Florida Blue, UnitedHealthcare, Oscar, and other plans through Headway. Check your coverage and book on my Headway page.
When can I start?
Appointments are generally available the next day or within the same week, every day except Saturday.
Eduardo Florez, LMHC
Eduardo Florez, LMHC, has worked across forensic, institutional and private practice settings. He is the founder and clinical director of ShieldMee, a Florida nonprofit telehealth practice, and works bilingually with couples in crisis and clients for whom therapy hasn’t worked before.
Related reading: LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy · She’s Not My Roommate. · Therapy Went Fine. Nothing Changed.
Ready to talk to someone?
ShieldMee offers telehealth therapy across Florida for individuals, couples, and families. Insurance accepted through Headway.
Start TherapyIf you're in crisis, call or text 988 any time.