She’s Not My Roommate.

Lesbian-affirming therapy in Florida

Part of The ShieldMee Guide: Identity & LGBTQ+ →

“Is your husband coming with you?”

“So which one of you is the man?”

“You just haven’t met the right guy.”

“Your friend can wait outside.”

“Don’t bring her to Christmas this year.”

If you’re a lesbian, you’ve probably heard some version of these.

At the doctor’s office.

At work.

At family dinners.

Sometimes you correct people.

Sometimes you’re too tired to.

Being assumed straight

Most of the world starts with one guess about you.

That you’re straight.

The form asks for your husband’s name.

The nurse calls your partner your sister.

A coworker asks if you’re seeing anyone special, then adds, “Any nice guys?”

Each time, you have a choice.

Correct them and maybe start a whole conversation.

Or let it go and feel a little more invisible.

You make that choice over and over.

It’s small each time.

It adds up.

When stress comes from outside the relationship

Sometimes a couple’s biggest problems don’t start between the two of you.

They start around you.

One of you is out at work. The other isn’t.

One family welcomes you. The other barely says her name.

You hold hands in one city and don’t in another.

You have to decide which version of your life is safe to show.

That kind of stress can land inside a relationship.

It can look like fights about small things.

It can look like one partner pulling away.

It can look like two people who love each other and are both exhausted.

The problem may look like communication.

But sometimes there is a larger question underneath:

What does it cost to be yourselves here?

What the research shows

Research has found higher rates of heavy drinking among lesbian and bisexual women than among straight women.

In one nationally representative U.S. study, lesbian women had nearly four times the odds of reporting 12 or more drinks on one occasion. Bisexual women had about two and a half times the odds.

That doesn’t mean being a lesbian causes someone to drink.

It doesn’t mean every lesbian woman drinks.

It means something is happening at the population level that is worth paying attention to.

Stress matters.

So does hiding.

So does being misunderstood.

So does having to decide, again and again, whether it is safe to simply be yourself.

And the same issue shows up in therapy.

A large national study of England’s public therapy program looked at tens of thousands of women treated for depression or anxiety. Lesbian and bisexual women had higher symptoms at the end of treatment, and were 30–40% more likely not to recover, compared with straight women.

The study did not establish one simple reason why.

That’s important.

But it does tell us something clinicians should not ignore:

Sexual orientation can be part of the context of treatment.

If your therapist treats your life as if everyone around you is straight, some of the most important things happening to you may never make it into the room.

Being a lesbian in your family

For some women, family is where it hurts most.

Especially when faith, tradition, or familismo runs deep.

She’s introduced as “tu amiga.”

She’s invited to the wedding, but not into the family photo.

Nobody says anything cruel.

Everybody just acts like she’s temporary.

That can be hard to explain.

There may be no single terrible thing you can point to.

Just years of small messages telling you that this relationship is somehow less real.

Families can learn.

Sometimes it takes years.

Sometimes it takes one honest conversation that finally happens.

And sometimes the work is learning what you can ask your family to change, what you cannot control, and what you need to stop waiting for.

What therapy looks like with me

I’ll ask you how much your identity matters to what brings you in.

For some women, it’s the center of everything.

For others, it’s one part of the story, and they came in because they can’t sleep, their relationship is struggling, they’re drinking more than they want to, or they simply don’t feel like themselves anymore.

Both are fine.

I won’t assume either one.

I work with individual women and with couples at many stages:

Dating.

Marriage.

Blending families.

Coming out later in life.

Trying to decide what’s next.

We can talk about stress, family, coming out, drinking, intimacy, work, sex, relationships, or whatever else is actually going on.

You don’t have to make your sexuality the subject of therapy just because you’re a lesbian.

And you don’t have to leave it out just because someone else might be uncomfortable talking about it.

I affirm LGBTQ+ people. I do not practice conversion therapy.

Frequently asked questions

You’re a man. Is that a problem?

Some women prefer a woman therapist. That’s a fair preference. If you’d like to work with me, you’ll get a therapist who asks instead of assumes, and who takes your relationships as seriously as anyone else’s. You don’t have to convince me that your relationship is real.

Can my partner and I come together?

It depends on your insurance plan. Most clients pay a copay or coinsurance. You’ll see your estimated cost on my Headway page before you book.

Do I have to be “out” to start?

No. What you share, and when you share it, is up to you.

Do you offer therapy in Spanish?

Yes. Sessions can be in Spanish, English, or both.

How much does therapy cost?

It depends on your insurance plan. Most clients pay a copay or coinsurance. You’ll see your estimated cost on my Headway page before you book.

Do you take insurance?

Yes. I’m in-network with Aetna, Cigna, Florida Blue, UnitedHealthcare, Oscar, and other plans through Headway. Check your coverage and book on my Headway page.

When can I start?

Appointments are generally available the next day or within the same week, every day except Saturday.

Related reading: LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy · Not Half. Not a Phase. · We Don’t Talk About That