How Do You Know?

Therapy for queer and questioning adults in Florida

Part of The ShieldMee Guide: Identity & LGBTQ+ →

“How do you know if you’ve never tried?”

“Aren’t you a little old to be figuring this out?”

“Queer? Isn’t that an insult?”

“Just pick something.”

“Maybe you’re just confused.”

If you’re queer or questioning, you may have heard some of these.

Some from other people.

Some from the voice in your own head at 2 a.m.

Queer and questioning aren’t the same thing

People often lump them together.

They’re different.

Queer is an identity. For many people, it’s a word they’ve taken back. It can mean I’m not straight, or my identity doesn’t fit a narrow box, or I don’t want to be pinned down. For them, it’s an answer, not a question.

Questioning is a process. It means you’re still exploring your sexual orientation, your attractions, or what identity language feels right to you.

You can be one, both, or move from questioning into an identity that fits.

Either way, you belong here.

It’s okay not to know yet

A lot of people feel pressure to have an answer.

Pick a label.

Announce it.

Stick with it.

But feelings don’t always work on a schedule.

Some people know early.

Some figure it out in their thirties, forties, or later.

Some never land on one word, and they’re fine.

A label is a tool.

It’s there to help you describe yourself.

It isn’t a test you have to pass.

When labels change

Some people’s labels change over time.

Straight, then bi, then queer.

Gay, then bi.

Or in a different direction entirely.

That doesn’t mean you were lying before.

It means you learned something about yourself.

Research has found that changes in sexual-identity labels can be associated with greater mental-health difficulties for some people. But that does not mean changing a label is itself the cause. Researchers have pointed to factors that can surround identity change, including stigma, pressure, invalidation, and having to hide parts of yourself.

The problem isn’t necessarily the question.

It’s how people treat you for asking it.

Questioning later in life

Some people start questioning after they’ve already built a life.

A marriage.

Children.

A church community.

A reputation.

That can feel terrifying.

What if saying it out loud blows everything up?

You don’t have to decide everything at once.

You’re allowed to understand yourself first, and decide what to do with that understanding later, at your own pace.

Questioning in your family

In some families, questioning feels impossible to say out loud.

Especially when faith, tradition, or familismo runs deep.

A parent says, “It’s a phase.”

Someone says, “Don’t put ideas in your head.”

Or nobody says anything, and you just know not to bring it up.

Families can grow.

But you don’t have to wait for them to understand before you’re allowed to understand yourself.

What therapy looks like with me

I don’t have a preferred answer for you.

Straight, gay, bi, queer, something else, or no label at all.

I won’t push you toward any of them.

And I won’t push you away from any of them.

That’s part of what makes therapy affirming: it doesn’t begin with a predetermined answer about who you are supposed to be. It gives you room to explore what’s true for you.

We’ll go at your pace.

We can talk about attraction, relationships, fear, faith, family, and what you want your life to look like.

I affirm LGBTQ+ people. I do not practice conversion therapy.

Who this work is for

This work is for:

• Adults who are questioning their sexual orientation
• Adults who identify as queer and want an affirming therapist
• People questioning later in life, including within a marriage or long-term relationship
• Anyone who wants to explore their sexuality without pressure toward a particular answer

You don’t need a label to start.

Who this isn’t for

I work with adults. If you are under 18, this page is not describing services for you.

If you are in immediate danger or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

This isn’t the right place if you want someone to change your sexual orientation or gender identity.

Sessions must take place while you are physically located in Florida.

Frequently asked questions

Do I need a label to start therapy?

No. Many people come in without one. Some find a word that fits. Some don’t need one. Both are fine.

Will you try to figure out what I “really” am?

No. I don’t have an answer in mind for you. My job is to help you explore what’s true for you, not to decide it for you.

I’m married. Can I explore this privately?

Yes. Individual therapy is confidential within the normal legal and ethical limits of confidentiality. You decide what to do with what you learn, and when.

Do you offer therapy in Spanish?

Yes. Sessions can be in Spanish, English, or both.

How much does therapy cost?

It depends on your insurance plan. Most clients pay a copay or coinsurance. You’ll see your estimated cost on my Headway page before you book.

Do you take insurance?

Yes. I’m in-network with Aetna, Cigna, Florida Blue, UnitedHealthcare, Oscar, and other plans through Headway. Check your coverage and book on my Headway page.

When can I start?

Appointments are generally available the next day or within the same week, every day except Saturday.

Related reading: LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy · Not Half. Not a Phase. · Kinsey: Orientation as a Spectrum