Adult Autism

Finding out you might be autistic as an adult, and what masking has cost you

Part of The ShieldMee Guide: ADHD & Adult Autism →

“I’ve always felt like I was missing the manual everyone else got.”

“I’m exhausted from acting normal all day.”

“My kid was diagnosed, and I recognized myself.”

“My partner says I’m cold. I don’t feel cold.”

Many autistic adults spent years thinking they were just “too much,” “too sensitive” or “weird.”

Finding out you might be autistic can bring relief, grief and a lot of questions. All of that is normal.

What autism is

Autism is a difference in how the brain takes in and makes sense of the world.

It can affect how you communicate, connect with people, handle sounds, lights and textures, and deal with change.

It isn’t a disease, and it isn’t something to cure. Autistic people have real strengths, and real struggles in a world that wasn’t built for them.

Many adults were missed as kids, especially women, people of color, and people who did well in school.

What it can look like in adults

• Social situations feel like work, even when you like the people
• You need time alone to recover after being around others
• Noise, lights, crowds or certain textures overwhelm you
• You like routines, and sudden changes throw you off
• You go deep on interests you love
• People misread your tone or face
• You prefer clear, direct communication

Masking: the hidden exhaustion

Masking means hiding autistic traits to fit in. Copying other people. Forcing eye contact. Rehearsing small talk. Holding in the need to move or leave.

Many autistic adults have masked so long they don’t know who they are underneath.

Research links long-term masking to exhaustion, anxiety, depression and burnout. Some people describe autistic burnout: a deep tiredness where even basic tasks become hard.

If you feel so worn down that you’ve had thoughts of not wanting to be here, please call or text 988 now.

Autism and your relationship

In many couples, one or both partners are autistic, sometimes without knowing it.

Misunderstandings pile up. One partner wants to talk it out now. The other needs time to process. One hints. The other needs it said plainly.

Researchers describe a “double empathy problem”: autistic and non-autistic people can misread each other in both directions. It isn’t one person failing.

In couples sessions, we turn those mix-ups into clear agreements: how you each communicate, what you each need to feel cared for, and how to handle overload.

If conflict in your relationship includes threats, hitting, pushing, or one partner controlling the other’s money, phone or movements, that’s not a communication problem. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. It’s free and open 24/7.

How I work

I treat autistic adults and their partners and families. I’m direct, and I welcome directness.

I pay close attention to language, including how literally you use words. That helps me understand you instead of guessing.

We work on what you want to change. Less masking. Better boundaries. Handling sensory overload. Repairing a relationship. Making sense of a late diagnosis.

Autism often comes with ADHD, anxiety or depression. We look at the whole picture.

Who this work is for

• Autistic adults in Florida with a diagnosis
• Adults wondering if they might be autistic (I’ll refer you for testing)
• Couples where one or both partners are autistic
• Families adjusting to a diagnosis
• Spanish-speaking or bilingual adults and families

You don’t need a diagnosis to start therapy. We can work on stress, anxiety or relationships right away. If you haven’t been tested, I’ll refer you for testing, and once you have a diagnosis, I can treat autism directly.

Who this isn’t for

I work with adults. If you are under 18, this page is not describing services for you.

If you are in immediate danger or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

If there is violence, threats or control in the relationship, start with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, not couples therapy.

Sessions must take place while you are physically located in Florida.

Frequently asked questions

Do you test for autism?

No. I don’t do ADHD or autism testing. If you haven’t been tested, I’ll refer you to someone who does. Once you have a diagnosis, I can treat it.

Will therapy try to make me less autistic?

No. The goal isn’t to change who you are. It’s to help you live and connect in ways that work for you.

Can sessions be adapted to my needs?

Yes. We can adjust pace, structure, camera use and how we communicate. Just tell me what helps.

Can my partner come too?

Yes. I see individuals, couples and families. Whether couples sessions are covered depends on your insurance plan. You’ll see your estimated cost on my Headway page before you book.

Do you offer therapy in Spanish?

Yes. Sessions can be in Spanish, English, or both.

How much does therapy cost?

It depends on your insurance plan. Most clients pay a copay or coinsurance. You’ll see your estimated cost on my Headway page before you book.

Do you take insurance?

Yes. I’m in-network with Aetna, Cigna, Florida Blue, UnitedHealthcare, Oscar, and other plans through Headway. Check your coverage and book on my Headway page.

When can I start?

Appointments are generally available the next day or within the same week, every day except Saturday.

Related reading: Adult ADHD · Invisible Labor · Social Anxiety