Why I Sabotage Good Things
Why you pull the plug when life starts going well, and how to let good things stay
Eduardo Florez, LMHC #MH23066 · October 7, 2026 · 4-min read
Part of The ShieldMee Guide: Depression →
“I ruin things right when they start going well.”
“It felt too good to be true, so I ended it.”
“I keep putting off the thing I want most.”
“I don’t know why I did that. I just panicked.”
If you keep pulling the plug on good things, you’re not crazy and you’re not lazy.
You don’t sabotage because you want to lose. You sabotage because you’re afraid of losing.
Why it happens
- You’d rather leave than be left. Ending it first feels safer than waiting for it to fall apart.
- Good feels unfamiliar. If calm used to come right before chaos, calm can feel like a warning.
- Success brings fear of being found out. “What if they realize I’m not that good?”
- Closeness feels risky. The more something matters, the more it could hurt.
Self-sabotage is a way of managing pain before it happens. It made sense once. It just costs too much now.
What it looks like
- Ending a relationship suddenly, right when it gets serious
- Picking a fight on a good day
- Putting off the application, the call, the project that could change things
- Needing everything to be perfect, then giving up when it isn’t
- Pulling away emotionally when someone is good to you
From the outside it looks like you don’t care. On the inside, it’s usually fear, not indifference.
Tired of ruining what you want?
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Self-sabotage in your relationship
Relationships are where this hurts most.
Things are good. Then you start a fight, go cold, or find something wrong with your partner.
Your partner feels whiplash. They don’t know which version of you will show up.
In couples sessions, we slow down the moments right before you pull away. What happened? What did you feel? What did you tell yourself?
Your partner learns that the distance isn’t rejection. You learn to say “I’m scared” instead of leaving.
If conflict in your relationship includes threats, hitting, pushing, or one partner controlling the other’s money, phone or movements, that’s not a communication problem. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. It’s free and open 24/7.
What helps
Know your triggers. Is it when someone says “I love you”? When you get good news? When things go quiet?
Practice staying with good feelings. Let a good moment be good for a few more minutes before your mind looks for the catch.
Slow down big decisions. Urges to quit or run usually soften if you wait a day.
Build trust in yourself. The more you trust you can handle loss, the less you need to cause it first.
How I work
I listen closely to the words you use. “It was too good to be true.” “I needed space all of a sudden.” Those phrases show me exactly where the fear kicks in.
I also look at your family story. People who sabotage good things often grew up where good things didn’t last.
You might recognize yourself here
- You get anxious when life is going well.
- You end relationships before they can end you.
- You procrastinate most on the things that matter most.
- You’ve walked away from a good job, friend or partner and later wondered why.
- You expect the other shoe to drop.
- People call you “hot and cold.”
Who this work is for
- Adults in Florida who keep undoing good things in love or work
- Couples where one partner pulls away when things get close
- People who fear success as much as failure
- Spanish-speaking or bilingual adults and couples
You don’t need to know why you do it to start.
Who this isn’t for
I work with adults. If you are under 18, this page is not describing services for you.
If you are in immediate danger or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
If there is violence, threats or control in the relationship, start with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, not couples therapy.
Sessions must take place while you are physically located in Florida.
Start with the last time it happened
You don’t have to explain it perfectly.
You can start with one sentence:
“Every time it gets good, I wreck it.”
We can start there.
In-network with Aetna, Cigna, Florida Blue, UnitedHealthcare and more through Headway · 53-minute sessions
Telehealth anywhere in Florida · English / Español
In crisis? Call or text 988.
Frequently asked questions
Is self-sabotage the same as procrastination?
Procrastination can be one form of it. Self-sabotage is the bigger pattern of undoing what you want, often out of fear.
Can this change?
Yes. Once you can see the pattern and what sets it off, you get more choice in the moment.
Can my partner come too?
Yes. I see individuals, couples and families. Whether couples sessions are covered depends on your insurance plan. You’ll see your estimated cost on my Headway page before you book.
Do you offer therapy in Spanish?
Yes. Sessions can be in Spanish, English, or both.
How much does therapy cost?
It depends on your insurance plan. Most clients pay a copay or coinsurance. You’ll see your estimated cost on my Headway page before you book.
Do you take insurance?
Yes. I’m in-network with Aetna, Cigna, Florida Blue, UnitedHealthcare, Oscar, and other plans through Headway. Check your coverage and book on my Headway page.
When can I start?
Appointments are generally available the next day or within the same week, every day except Saturday.
Eduardo Florez, LMHC
Eduardo Florez, LMHC, has worked across forensic, institutional and private practice settings. He is the founder and clinical director of ShieldMee, a Florida nonprofit telehealth practice, and works bilingually with couples in crisis and clients for whom therapy hasn’t worked before.
Related reading: Why Closeness Feels Dangerous · Procrastination Isn’t Laziness · Why I Keep Choosing Unavailable Partners
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ShieldMee offers telehealth therapy across Florida for individuals, couples, and families. Insurance accepted through Headway.
Start TherapyIf you're in crisis, call or text 988 any time.