We keep having the same fight
Couples & Relationships
In crisis? Call or text 988 (press 2 for Spanish), or text HOME to 741741. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.
Most couples don’t come to therapy because of one big problem. They come because the same fight keeps happening, and they’re worn out.
Under the fight about dishes, money, texts or sex, there’s usually a pattern. One person reaches. The other pulls away. One gets loud. The other goes quiet.
Patterns can change. Couples researchers like John Gottman have spent decades studying what separates couples who make it from couples who don’t, and much of it can be learned.
This part of the guide covers fighting, distance, sex, trust, affairs, and the patterns we bring from the families we grew up in.
Is this you?
- The same argument keeps coming back.
- One of you chases, and the other shuts down.
- You feel more like roommates than partners.
- Sex has faded, and nobody talks about it.
- Trust was broken, and you don’t know if it can be fixed.
- You’re wondering whether the relationship is worth saving.
Start here
Why couples get stuck in one argument, and how to get out.
The four habits that predict divorce, and what to do instead.
How small hurts pile up into distance.
Why I Shut Down During Conflict →
When your mind goes blank in the middle of an argument.
Why Closeness Feels Dangerous →
Wanting love and fearing it at the same time.
Why I Keep Choosing Unavailable Partners →
Why the distant ones feel like chemistry.
Why Do I Keep Ending Up With Chaotic Partners? →
When drama starts to feel like love.
We Stopped Having Sex and Neither of Us Mentions It →
When intimacy fades quietly.
Infidelity and Affair Recovery →
What happens after an affair comes out, for both of you.
Is My Marriage Worth Fighting For? →
Thinking clearly about staying or going.
The hard conversations to have before the wedding.
What research on sexuality means for you and your partner.
How couples sessions with me work.
See also: When Anger Takes Over · Co-Parenting After Divorce · How Childhood Shows Up in Your Relationships
I treat this. Couples work is a core part of my practice.
How therapy works with me
My approach is systemic. I look at the pattern between you, not just at one person.
I pay close attention to the words you each use. “You always.” “I’m fine.” “There’s no point.” Those sentences show where you’re stuck.
Sessions are by video, in English, Spanish or both. We can meet together, or one of you can start alone. I’m not a Gottman Method therapist, but I draw on his research.
If there is violence, threats or control in your relationship, couples therapy is not the right first step. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, free and 24/7.
Ready to stop having the same fight?
Use your insurance · see your cost before you book
¿Prefiere español? Agende una sesión en español →
Frequently asked questions
Do we both have to come?
No. Couples often start together, but one partner can start alone. Changes in one person often shift the whole relationship.
Does insurance cover couples therapy?
It depends on your plan. You’ll see your estimated cost on my Headway page before you book.
Are you a Gottman Method therapist?
No. I use a systemic approach and draw on Gottman’s research, along with other well-studied ideas about couples.
Can you help if we’re thinking about separating?
Yes. Some couples come to decide whether to stay. Getting clear is a good reason to come.
Start with one conversation
You don’t have to agree on what’s wrong.
You can start with one sentence:
“We keep having the same fight.”
We can start there.
In-network with Aetna, Cigna, Florida Blue, UnitedHealthcare and more through Headway · 53-minute sessions
Telehealth anywhere in Florida · English / Español
In crisis? Call or text 988.
Eduardo Florez, LMHC
Eduardo Florez, LMHC, has worked across forensic, institutional and private practice settings. He is the founder and clinical director of ShieldMee, a Florida nonprofit telehealth practice, and works bilingually with couples in crisis and clients for whom therapy hasn’t worked before.
Related hubs: Family & Parenting · Emotional Intensity · Trauma & PTSD · All topics